New Dance Steps

Lately I have been feeling this sense that I need to make some changes.  These changes I do believe will lead me away from Ohio.  Only God knows, but I am sensing this.  Yet it seems a difficult journey to make.  Not that Ohio is extraordinary in its locale.  Actually this area where I live is so depressing.  Economically we have been hit hard as the car industry's demise has trickled down to nearly every commercial enterprise.  Even in this area of human services which I am employed, Ohio workers are some of the lowest paid in the country.

I was contemplating why this seems so sad.  I have lived here for a little less than half my life.  But as I began thinking about the experiences that have filled this half of life, I realized it is here in this desolate place that I have learned to live.  The first 30 something years of my life were lived wishing to die.  In Ohio, I learned to wish to live, even when I felt I might not live through the pain.  This is huge.

It is also in Ohio that I made a conscious decision not to be lonely.  As I stepped out of my comfort zone, I found that I have a love affair with people.  I found out how to have friends who are as close as family.  I found that in other's eyes, I am loved and valued.  I have learned through their eyes to find a worth in myself that I never knew.  It is no easy task to even begin to think about leaving such treasures.

Finally, my children have lives here.  Yet they too have their journeys to travel.  I suppose all moms feel the way I do...that no mom could possibly love her kids as much...but we all do.  How could I leave them?  What if they need me?  How will I go weeks on end without seeing their sweet faces. 

So I pray.  I pray for wisdom.  I pray for strength.  I pray that God will run ahead of me and make my paths straight. I pray that I am strong enough to face what is ahead.  I do not feel strong enough, but feelings have never been a prerequisite to following God's direction.  He only ask that I trust in His plans and not lean on my own understanding and to realize that in my weakness, He is strong. 

I love the lessons learned in Ohio.  I love some very special people in Ohio.