Dancing in the Wind

It has been so long since I have blogged.  Life has been a whirlwind of changes blowing me in all directions.  Instead of hunkering down in safety, I have been standing firm letting the gale force winds beat me.  I choose to feel the pain, see the effects first hand and be fully aware of the rebuilding that will need to take place when the calm comes, when the storm subsides.  I choose to feel.  I am not sure if that makes sense.  But for one who copes by numbing, this really is a huge step in my recovery.  So life, bring it on!

This morning as I let the dogs out, I was amazed at the wind.  Its sheer force nearly knocked me off the porch.  Not only was the wind strong, but it was bitter, stinging and I could feel that cold all the way through my bones. It is the kind of chill that causes one to find shelter, hurry back into the warmth of the house and pretend that the sunshine is reminiscent of spring days.  But inevitably there will be the necessity of venturing out into the elements, and the senses will be assaulted once again.

This morning as I let the dog out, I thought about this.  I stood there on my little stoop of a porch and just let that wind beat me.  I felt the sting of the snow as it blew in my face and onto my bare arms.  It hurt.  So often I run from pain, but this morning I let it sink into my skin until my very bones felt the chill.

Life is like that right now. It is full of changes in the pattern of it.  The forecast calls for pain and loneliness.  But mostly it will be just different from how it has been.  I choose to stand in the middle of it.  I choose to feel every pattern change.  I choose to dance in the wind.