Falling

This day will require much caffeine in order to navigate the course of children's museum, countless nit-picking arguments and the long drive home.  Hotel sleeping is not always the best.  Of course, last night my body would choose to have an all night hot flash.  What's up with that?  I haven't had a hot flash in over a year.  Maybe it was just hot.  I wanted to throw open the window and lay without even the sheet on my sweltering body.  Still, I had four other people to consider, and I am sure that they would not appreciate an artic freeze.  The hot flashes were not the worse part of my lack of slumber. I had reoccurring dreams of falling.  Over and over when I would drift off to sleep, I would frantically awaken to the sensation that I was falling.  I know that these are dreams that exhibit feelings of loss of control.  I always tell people that I am not afraid of heights.  I am afraid of falling.  Isn't that true?  I am here in this place enjoying a nice vacation with my still fairly new family.  Next to me is a man who loves me like I have never been loved.  It scares me, honestly.  How can he love me as he does?  What does he see in me?  I am sure I give him more grief than he deserves, but to hear it from him, I am his strength and his hope.  So as I have risen from ashes, will I fall again?  No.  I must remember His promises.  This is the enemy talking to me.  For God has promised to turn my ashes to beauty and my morning to dancing.  And He has done so!! So, why do I spend an entire night dreaming of the fall.  Lord, rest my restless mind.  In the name of Jesus, silence the enemy.  Now, someone please pass me the coffee.