A poem by Mindy

I am yet a blank page
Snow crisp and young fallen
Waiting patiently for your penmanship
Waiting to cradle the imprint of your footsteps
All is calm
Write on me now
Leave your impression
Lest I should crumple
Lest I should melt
When all is lost
Take me and fold me
Cup your hands and hold me
Crease me into an envelope
Drink me into you
Let me enclose your smallest treasures
Let me quench your thirst

*A poem and a reminder that sometimes we have gone through so much that we come out the other side transformed. What we perceived as our purpose in life has been lost! But in truth, GOD has given us a gift in this transformation and we are given a greater purpose, put to a better use. We just have to trust that HE has a plan.

(This is a poem by Mindy Compton that she wrote for me.  She is a nut off the ol' nut tree; that is for sure.  I wanted to preserve it, so I put it on this blog and maybe it will encourage someone along the way.  It did me.)

Frostbite

I was thinking I would write a poem, but my brain is too fried from working too many third shifts along with my regular 40 hours on second.  That doesn't leave many creative juices flowing, but still this old tired brain does not shut off easily.  I was thinking about the act of numbing our emotions.  I was thinking of how this is a viable survival tool.  But if used too long, it begins to overflow into all areas of a life.  How I wish I could just section off parts of my heart and say, "This part, is reserved for __________ because, I just cannot afford the pain anymore."  And say, "Now this section is for _________ and _________ and _________ because I love them so much.  They are my light, my joy, my reason for living."  But I find that what really happens is that the heart just freezes.  The numbness creates a sort of frostbite through and through. 

 You know how when you are out too long on a winter day.  Your fingers, toes and nose at first hurt so badly.  Eventually though, you get used to the cold because you are in it long enough.  The extremities just go numb.  This is dangerous, because if taken to the extreme you could loose all or parts of those extremities.  But then you go inside, and begin to warm.  But that warming is painful!  The one thing you need the most hurts so deeply.

I believe that this has happened to me on numerous occasions.  I have been exposed to the pain for so long that I just get frostbite of the heart.  This has been happening lately, and frankly I hate it.  Then this week, a friend said something dear and sweet, and it hurt.  It threatened to warm the coldness.  And you know what I want to do...stay in that cold place. 

This is an area on which I need to work.  I must be careful not to isolate.  I must remind myself to feel...and even in the honesty of those feelings, even if they may hurt someone, I can survive. I need to thaw my frostbitten heart.  I need to accept the initial pain that will come as the numbness receeds.

Shattered Glass

Ok..I have a feeling this is not finished.  I am not satisfied with it yet, but I am going to put it out there, just because it has been awhile since I have written. 

Shattered Glass

By Julie Meyer-Weber

August 18, 2011

Shattered glass upon the pavement

Broken shards, cutting pain

Shattered glass upon my life

Crushed hues of many stains

Through the prisms shine Your Light

Reflect the edges many hues

Abandoned brokenness disgarded

Dancing colors of beauty true

Shine through the shattered

Or make me new

Make use of the battered life

Create what You will.

Sweep me up

Melt me with the fire

Purify my fragile heart

Strengthening the weakest parts

Use Your breath to create anew

Fill this vessel with Your Spirit

Make me useful once again.

Or crush me further

To mix the colors

Make life blend with new creation

I am willing

Be my fire

My life

My Breath

My artisan Creator.

Light in the Darkness

As I spent the last two nights working third shifts, I periodically went outside to look for the meteor shower that was supposed to be visible.  The sky was clear.  The moon was bright and full, but I only saw a brief possible meteor.  Still, I realized that it had been so long since I just sat under the stars, listened to the night sounds and gazed at the beautiful moon.  As nuts as it is working third shift in addition to my second shifts, I am grateful for a few moments to reflect, to breath, and to remember that regardless of what I am going through, where I have been, or how many arrows the enemy aims at me, I am fully loved by my Creator.  It also reminded me of a poem that I wrote years ago when a night much like this reminded me of how much He loves me.

God's Reflection

By Julia Meyer-Weber

A mist clings around the night;

The air is freshly kissed by rain.

All is pure and new again.

Swirling fog impairs my sight

The scents of grass and summer flower

Ride the mist and touch my mind.

Lingering memories from far behind,

Upon my mind seem to tower.

A break in the evening's shroud

Reveals a sky so dark and clear

With one celestial glow so near.

Not a solitary star is found.

I wonder at her finite grace,

One delicate sliver of light.

My heart is moved by the sight,

Such a tender face.

I know this evening belle.

Her reality is not so fine.

In truth, her heart is so like mine.

This I can honestly tell.

She is barren and dry,

Her face scarred and jagged,

Cliffs of dust and edges so ragged,

Pits as dark as deepest nigh.

But from this vantage here,

I see her grace.

A light that shines upon her face

Reveals her beauty so dear.

Could I be like that celestial being,

Dark and hardened, dusty and dry?

So jagged and rough I no longer cry,

Void of life, beauty fleeing?                                                                

If Your Light shines upon my face,

A lover will see beauty so tender.

He will move his heart to render.

He will see my delicate grace.

Reflecting Your Light in my eyes,

A lover will see a different view

A shimmer of hope and love anew

When Your radiance he surmises.

Dancing before the Throne

Conversation at the Throne

By Julie Meyer-Weber

August 6, 2011

“I am so weary, confused and weak.”

I know child, I have been watching.

“I struggle to make the right choices.  I do not know where to go, which path to take and even the paths clearly marked are not my desire.  I am sorry.”

I understand your struggle.  Remember that once gravity pulled me down.  I felt the labor of walking in oppression, in sorrow, of walking with the enemy around every turn.  Know that I go before you preparing a path for you, and I am behind you protecting you from the enemy’s pursuit.“

"I need you.  I just want to be with you.  I am not wishing to die.  Those days are over.  I am simply wishing to live.  I want to come home, Jesus.  But I do not understand your ways.”

You were not created to stay in this place.  You were created to love.  Your unbelief is a welcome mat.  I will enter.

As I go before you, and I protect behind you, I am also with you.  And where I am, is home.  Live in Me child, and I will give you rest.

Dancing in Darkness: Waiting for the Dance Moves

Dancing in Darkness: Waiting for the Dance Moves: "I find myself in this place in life where I am waiting. Waiting for God's provision. Waiting for people to change. Shoot! Waiting for me..."

Waiting for the Dance Moves

I find myself in this place in life where I am waiting.  Waiting for God's provision.  Waiting for people to change.  Shoot!  Waiting for me to change.  Waiting for hope.  Waiting for wisdom.  I want to run ahead of what God has for me.  But I know that he is running ahead of me preparing the way.  I am frightened and want some control in my life.  God, be my rock.  I will sit on that rock as I wait, and wait....and wait.  But I know that this is the place where I will find strength, faith and hope.  This is the place where waiting on the Lord will bring the freedom to soar on wings like eagles.

Isaiah 40:31  "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not be faint."

The Waiting Place

By Julie Meyer-Weber

August 5, 2011

The waiting place

A place where dusk kisses dawn

A place where hope arises with the sun

Where strength is born

Where on the other side

I will run and not grow weary

Where hope will soar on wings

Where I will find my voice to sing

To sing the song of the renewed

The song of the strong

The song of faith.

The waiting place

Where hope is born

And strength renewed

The training ground for the redeemed

The waiting place.

Loneliness

Loneliness

By Julie Meyer-Weber

August 2, 2011

When the crowd is pressing in

The space is so alone

When you walk by my side

I can still be a lonely soul

It is less to do with you

More to do with me

I am lonely to the core

Wanting to be free