Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tunnel- Third Day (w/lyrics*)
A little encouragement for my friends who struggle to keep going forward.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Reality Dancing
Tuesday in my lady's group, we were reading from that Ecclesiastics passage that holds all those opposites. The Beatles liked it so much they made a song out of it, but let us not forget that God wrote it first. I know. The Beatles are phenomenal, but God? His fame goes beyond all.
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
As I contemplate this passage, I feel comforted in the idea that God has created us to be real in our emotions. As a child of abuse, I learned a lifestyle of suppressing emotion. I learned to block out pain. Pain equals sexual violation. Pain equals beatings. Pain equals harsh words and heartache. While this is a viable mechanism of survival during times of extreme stress, it is not the way God has created us to live our daily lives. This was one of the hardest things that I had to learn during therapy: to come out of my numbness, to be real, to feel everything again. Our heart is like a dimmer switch. We think we can just turn off certain rooms, but the whole of the heart is on a dimmer switch. To the extent we are dimming our feelings, the whole heart experiences the darkness. When I first began this journey of healing, it hurt so badly. The light is blinding, but oh, so beautiful.
Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
As I contemplate this passage, I feel comforted in the idea that God has created us to be real in our emotions. As a child of abuse, I learned a lifestyle of suppressing emotion. I learned to block out pain. Pain equals sexual violation. Pain equals beatings. Pain equals harsh words and heartache. While this is a viable mechanism of survival during times of extreme stress, it is not the way God has created us to live our daily lives. This was one of the hardest things that I had to learn during therapy: to come out of my numbness, to be real, to feel everything again. Our heart is like a dimmer switch. We think we can just turn off certain rooms, but the whole of the heart is on a dimmer switch. To the extent we are dimming our feelings, the whole heart experiences the darkness. When I first began this journey of healing, it hurt so badly. The light is blinding, but oh, so beautiful.
The Walls of the Castle
By Julie Meyer-Weber, 2010
The walls of the castle are strong
Brick by brick, erected to keep out the enemy’s blows.
Bricks of fantasy.
Bricks of my own making.
Bricks strong enough to ignore the pain.
Strong enough to block the abuse.
Good bricks.
Bricks that allowed a semblance of sanity.
This was the fortress of my own making.
There is a new King in residence.
The King of Self has been denied
There is a new King in habitation
He says the castle walls must be destroyed.
His love will be my fortress
His praise will be my shield.
No walls?
No bricks?
How can this be?
But tear by tear the walls are crumbling.
With each crumbling debris, a ray of sun shines through.
There are songs from the breeze in the rustling leaves.
There is music from the birds gracing the skies.
But good King,
I am afraid still
The open air leaves me vulnerable.
Yes, child that is how it must be.
You were created to feel
To cry
To love
To laugh
And even to fear.
But most of all….
You were created to run to me.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Dancing Off-Beat
Syncopation
By Julie Meyer-Weber
March 7, 2011
There is a restlessness in my soul
A syncopated beat that is not quite right.
There is a stumbling in the dark
A groping on the walls of this pit.
I am unsure of these moments
I am fearful of the journey
I am restless in my thoughts
And clumsy with my footing.
My soul cries out.
Where are you, Lord?
Are You hiding in the cleft of my doubt?
Are You the voice that whispers in the dark?
I will yet praise You in this fog
I will worship You with my song
My timing may seem off
And the notes may fall flat
Your name is Majesty.
Your name is Almighty
Your name is Light
Your name is the Way.
By Julie Meyer-Weber
March 7, 2011
There is a restlessness in my soul
A syncopated beat that is not quite right.
There is a stumbling in the dark
A groping on the walls of this pit.
I am unsure of these moments
I am fearful of the journey
I am restless in my thoughts
And clumsy with my footing.
My soul cries out.
Where are you, Lord?
Are You hiding in the cleft of my doubt?
Are You the voice that whispers in the dark?
I will yet praise You in this fog
I will worship You with my song
My timing may seem off
And the notes may fall flat
Your name is Majesty.
Your name is Almighty
Your name is Light
Your name is the Way.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Doing the "Git er done" Dance
Well, friends, it is starting. We are about to embark on exciting territory. Our little Hatian girl is coming anytime now. I am so excited to see what God will do, for I have already seen His hand in bringing her here. For those of you who are just getting to know us, let me give you some background.
Several years ago a friend of mine told us about a medical mission that was needing a host home for a little girl who was badly burned. I was sent the pictures, and my stomach rolled with the sight of a two year old precious girl burned on over 40% of her body. My thought, "No way! God, I do not think you are asking this of me or of us." A couple of days went by, and the Spirit told me clearly that I should seek my husband's guidence on this. I had not even told Doug about it up to this point. I said, "Good idea, Spirit!" I thought that nagging in my heart would be relieved, because of course, my husband a fairly new Christian would not even begin to consider such a committment. We could barely pay our bills as it was! So, I showed him the pictures and explained what was needed. He did not even break stride. He said, "Of course we can help her! God will take care of us." What the heck? So, I sat looking at those pictures of her burned body once again, and wouldn't you know that my stomach no longer rolled, but my heart broke. Really, God? Ok. You are boss...I mean, for real, You are BOSS!
So yes, God provided every step of the way. We saw Him do amazing things in both our lives and in the lives of Minialine, and even her family. She was our first child to host. We have hosted 2 others since.
Doug is unemployed. We hardly make our rent payment, and have had to humbly ask for help many times. But God is calling once again. As I look over the times that we have served in this capacity, what I realize is that it is not about us. It is about God's provision and also about how He partners others with us. We did not take in host children, the church did! Seriously, from clothing to babysitting, we have had the priviledge of sharing this experience with many of you. Sometimes people will say, "This is a great thing that you and your husband do." I reply, "It is a great thing that God does, and we could not even begin to do this without the support of His people."
So, I am throwing out a few needs.
Several years ago a friend of mine told us about a medical mission that was needing a host home for a little girl who was badly burned. I was sent the pictures, and my stomach rolled with the sight of a two year old precious girl burned on over 40% of her body. My thought, "No way! God, I do not think you are asking this of me or of us." A couple of days went by, and the Spirit told me clearly that I should seek my husband's guidence on this. I had not even told Doug about it up to this point. I said, "Good idea, Spirit!" I thought that nagging in my heart would be relieved, because of course, my husband a fairly new Christian would not even begin to consider such a committment. We could barely pay our bills as it was! So, I showed him the pictures and explained what was needed. He did not even break stride. He said, "Of course we can help her! God will take care of us." What the heck? So, I sat looking at those pictures of her burned body once again, and wouldn't you know that my stomach no longer rolled, but my heart broke. Really, God? Ok. You are boss...I mean, for real, You are BOSS!
So yes, God provided every step of the way. We saw Him do amazing things in both our lives and in the lives of Minialine, and even her family. She was our first child to host. We have hosted 2 others since.
Doug is unemployed. We hardly make our rent payment, and have had to humbly ask for help many times. But God is calling once again. As I look over the times that we have served in this capacity, what I realize is that it is not about us. It is about God's provision and also about how He partners others with us. We did not take in host children, the church did! Seriously, from clothing to babysitting, we have had the priviledge of sharing this experience with many of you. Sometimes people will say, "This is a great thing that you and your husband do." I reply, "It is a great thing that God does, and we could not even begin to do this without the support of His people."
So, I am throwing out a few needs.
- a piece of plywood to go onto a twin bed to support the mattress
- twin sheets, especially fitted
- twin mattress cover, waterproof
- clothing, size to be determined when she arrives
- someone to partner with us on childcare when I am at work and Doug is at school (up to 3 x's a week)
- most importantly, prayers that we will have the strength to do what God is asking, and that we will trust in His provisions physically and spiritually
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Dancing in the Sea
Sea of Desolation
By Julie Meyer-Weber, November 6, 2010
Swimming in the sea of desolation
Undercurrents, tugging, sucking, pulling me down into murky waters.
Swimming in the sea of desolation
Trying to understand what to pray.
Lord, you can see me through the slime and darkness of these waters.
You can recreate how I breathe.
I can live in these dark spaces fighting the pull of a downward destination
Or Lord you could pull me to the sun, the clouds the space where eagles soar.
I would prefer a victory of deliverance
I do not desire to make my abode in this murky sea.
Whether you recreate how I live
Or give me a victory of light
I will praise you for who you are
I will give you the song in the night.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)