Falling

This day will require much caffeine in order to navigate the course of children's museum, countless nit-picking arguments and the long drive home.  Hotel sleeping is not always the best.  Of course, last night my body would choose to have an all night hot flash.  What's up with that?  I haven't had a hot flash in over a year.  Maybe it was just hot.  I wanted to throw open the window and lay without even the sheet on my sweltering body.  Still, I had four other people to consider, and I am sure that they would not appreciate an artic freeze.  The hot flashes were not the worse part of my lack of slumber. I had reoccurring dreams of falling.  Over and over when I would drift off to sleep, I would frantically awaken to the sensation that I was falling.  I know that these are dreams that exhibit feelings of loss of control.  I always tell people that I am not afraid of heights.  I am afraid of falling.  Isn't that true?  I am here in this place enjoying a nice vacation with my still fairly new family.  Next to me is a man who loves me like I have never been loved.  It scares me, honestly.  How can he love me as he does?  What does he see in me?  I am sure I give him more grief than he deserves, but to hear it from him, I am his strength and his hope.  So as I have risen from ashes, will I fall again?  No.  I must remember His promises.  This is the enemy talking to me.  For God has promised to turn my ashes to beauty and my morning to dancing.  And He has done so!! So, why do I spend an entire night dreaming of the fall.  Lord, rest my restless mind.  In the name of Jesus, silence the enemy.  Now, someone please pass me the coffee.

Join me for a cup of joe and a cup of thought this morning.

This morning I was awakened by a killer headache. I staggered out of bed to my "medicine" cabinet which consists of oils and homemade remedies that are all plant based.  I was grateful that my peppermint oil bottle is shaped differently than the others, for I do not know if my brain would have been able to make my eyes function to read.  I placed a few drops on my temples and at the base of my head where the pain was most pronounced.  In a half an hour I was as good as new.

Later in the morning as I was making my husband his tea, I was preparing the lime.  I rolled the cold lime on the counter to help it be a bit juicier.  This rolling action gave me immediate relief to my stiff arthritic hands.

All of this just to introduce my thought process this morning. I thought of the scripture in 2 Peter 1:3 "According as his divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that has called us to glory and virtue" (KJV)

Do I have the perfect life in health and balance?  I just spewed my coffee.  Of course, NOT!!  But I believe this:  It is possible to have better for He has given me everything I need.  Do I walk spiritually as I should?  Now, I am choking on my coffee with that thought. But do I have all I need to pursue such lofty goals?  Of course!

I believe that God has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness!  I am grateful for His provisions.  This morning as I found relief for immediate pain, I gave praise to the creator of that lime and that peppermint plant.  If these two small things have made a moment in time more comfortable, oh the vastness of His riches that are there for the benefit of His creation whom He loves!!

The psalmist says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good!!" (Psalm 34:8)

Some think that I am quacky for my home remedies, oils and love of nature.  But really, I just have the knowledge that God has provided.  I must unlock those mysteries.

Most of this has been in reference to the physical.  Lately, I have been in a slump spiritually.  Oh, I read my scriptures...inconsistently.  I pray without ceasing.  Yet, I am just putting one foot in front of the other.  I want to dance with Jesus!  Still, I trust that scripture in 2 Peter.  He has given me everything I need for godliness as well as life.  Open my eyes so that I may see, Lord.  Move my feet to the beat of your love and power!  I know and believe it is there!  You have given me all that I need.  You are all I need.

Brave Poe

It is a beautiful morning in Washington state. Poe, my resident crow is sitting out here with me, chatting away with his "caw, caw, caw". I like this crazy bird. He loves our little garden pond. I love it that he has become familiar with me, as he and I are quite different.  I applaud his bravery. I need to branch out and befriend those who are completely different than I. It is not prejudice that keeps me away, but a sense of awkward shyness.  At 49 years of age,I would think I could overcome this flaw. But I still struggle. Poe, what is your secret?

Head in the Clouds

I remember when my mother used to say, "Julia Katherine Meyer, get your head out of the clouds!"  She was right.  I was a dreamer.  I was always daydreaming.  It was a habit that came from escaping the reality of what should not be for a child, the harshness of abuse.  Then even when I was not in that situation, it was a hard habit to break.  Lately, I find myself with my head in the clouds again.  Not because my circumstances are bleak, although I look around me, and my heart breaks for those who are suffering, for just the state of the world in the light of the Boston Marathon bombings. That hate and that sorrow that has come from lives lost and people injured.  It is simply horrendous.  So my head goes to the clouds, and I find myself thinking more and more of Heaven.  Is that natural?  I just wonder all the time.  I have my glimpses from scriptures that tell us what Heaven will be like.  I wonder what it will be like to dance before my Savior at last. Finally to see the one who has held me for so long, and  to at last, be able to hold Him.  I wonder what it will be like to stand beside my mother and Sati's departed wife and the many saints who have gone on before me, and with them to sing praise to the Lamb, the One who has brought us all to this place.  I wonder; I wonder; I wonder...  And sometimes, I want the Lord to come...today...quickly...But there are so many who are lost.  There are so many who don't know.  So many who don't even know how to put their heads in the clouds.  I wonder and stand in amazement.  So one more day...one more step on this journey, but may I take my heads out of the clouds long enough to show the love of Jesus and to heal the hurt around me.

Changes

Wow.  I just realized that it has been over a year since I posted on this blog.  It has been a busy year full of changes.  I have moved across the country.  I have acquired a second family.  This came about by reconnecting with an old friend, and this time around it seems there is a bit more than friendship between us.  I wonder now why I did not say "yes" to this man 15 years ago.  He once asked me, a lifetime ago if he could kiss me.  My reply, "No.  If you do, you might fall in love with me, and that cannot happen."  I remember feeling unworthy of this dear saint of a man.  I also remember feeling that possibly I was not enough, not strong enough, not flexible enough, just somehow less.  I know that I was deceived by the enemy of my soul. Now, I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I have lived a lifetime between then and now.  I have grown.  I have discovered a bit more of who I am in Christ.  And yet, I have not arrived.  I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds me. 

Hold on to your faith.  Hold on to those you love.  Feel the breeze in your hair.  Breathe deep of life.  And if you need a hand to hold, then grasp tightly to love. 

I will try to write a bit more in the future.
Julie

Out of the Valley

By Julia Meyer-Weber

May 23, 2012

I have lived so long in this desolate place

Sludging through the mire

Clay so thick it weighed me

Coconspirator with gravity

Sinking further into the dank dark mud

Although I have walked through this valley

I have known the Light.

Brightness that casts shadows in the wasteland

The devastation of  anger, of sadness, of abuse.

That Light is hope.

That Light helps me to find my footing.

That Light is Life!

Today, I see green pastures.

In the distance is a table set for me

Oh, the delicacies that I see, that I smell

A table set just for me.

I have waited so long

I have cried so many tears

But soon, my Love and I will dine

He will wash my tear stained cheeks

He will kiss my head

He will whisper words of healing, of hope

My excitement shows in my step

My eyes are filled with laughter

My companion, Fear is loosening his grip

I am bursting with love

Love for you, love for others, love for those who will never know.

I can barely contain myself

Rebirth to love, to live, to touch the face of God.

To Remember

I spent hours memorizing the landscape of you
Those scars that touch your face
The shape of your head
That little divit at the top
I realize that I also know the scars of your heart
The landscape of your soul
Where tears have run through the valleys of loss
And still the joy of you shines bright
Casting shadows across the walls of of your heart
Contrasting the pain of all you have known.

I am not without my own scars
And I am not without my own joy
You are a piece to my heart
Inserted there, I am fully complete

We are beatifully and completely one.